Gosh, how did I miss this? This is so, so good! I love how you write Lestrade. His interactions with both Holmes brothers are absolutely marvellous. Needless to mention, your dialogue is once again absolutely stunning and I really wish we'd get most of these lines on the show because they'd be a great addition.

My favourite bits:
“S'probably true. I mean, I want to drink heavily when you're around, and I'm not even an alcoholic,” Lestrade said.
“You will be,” Sherlock said. “Give it another decade.”
“Something to look forward to,” Lestrade said, cheerily.

“Why did you take me in?” Sherlock asked.
“I always take in waifs who show up at my door with their faces bashed in,” Lestrade said. “It's part of my oath as a copper.”
“I am not a waif,” Sherlock objected.
“Well, I take in prats as well,” Lestrade said. “'Total Policing'.”
“It's an extremely ill-advised policy,” Sherlock said. “And your sofa is extremely uncomfortable, and your taste in tea is appalling.”
Lestrade grinned. “You're welcome. Any time.”

Thanks so much for writing and sharing this - I can't tell you how happy I was when I discovered it.