A word choice question

[awanderingbard]

This is a bit of an odd question, but I've grown up surrounded by couples who have never been divorced, or lost a partner and remarried, so I don't really know how people refer to their step-parents in relationship to the parent they are married to.

I have two characters with step-parents: Alec, whose dad is remarried and whose mum is not, and Sarah, whose parents are both remarried. So, if those characters were to refer to visiting their parents, would they be likely to say 'my parents' or 'my mum and step-dad/my dad and step-mum'. Would it depend on how they viewed their parents? Alec sees his step-mum more as a mother than he would see his own mum as his mother, whereas Sarah's parents divorced late in life, so she was raised by them both. I suppose it would be a personal choice, but I'm trying to be realistic. It seems clumsy to have to specify, but perhaps that's one of the complications of being a child of divorced parents.

Comments

[joyfulfeather.livejournal.com]

This is occasionally an issue in my life! 'Cause no matter what your preference is, it can be a little awkward. And you might change what you say depending on who you're talking to.

My parents got separated when I was two. I literally have no memories of living with my father. My sister and I would visit him for a few weeks every year, and he'd come visit us for long weekends sometimes. So he's been in my life, but he's definitely not the guy who raised me. That would be my stepfather (Michael). We moved in with him when I was 10. He's the one who took me to/from school, taught me how to shoot a basketball and throw a frisbee, taught me how to drive, and was generally there for me emotionally and in every way.

If I'm talking about Mom and Michael, I'll generally say "my parents" -- e.g. I'm going to visit my parents this weekend -- because that's what they are; the fact that he's my stepdad doesn't really matter. If it's relevant to the conversation, like if I'm talking about visiting Mom and Michael one weekend and my dad the next, then I'll be more specific and say "my mom and stepdad." I have to be careful not to say "my parents" about Mom and Michael when I'm talking to my dad, which is one of those tricky spots. One more note: if Dad were to marry his girlfriend now, I would probably refer to her as his wife, rather than as my stepmother.

From the parents' side of things: Michael calls me and my sister his daughters, because he did raise us and there's really no reason to make the distinction. Mom never liked it that I don't call him "Dad," but it never felt right to me. I have a dad. I also have a Michael. IDK if it ever bothered him that I stuck with his name rather than anything else.

I know you didn't ask for an essay, but I felt like sharing. :) I hope this ramble helps a little!

[awanderingbard.livejournal.com]

It helps a very lot! All of this is relevant to my interests. Thanks for sharing, you've covered both of my characters' situations with your answer, so I have a lot to draw from there.

[frozen_delight]

Just wanted to add my two cents and say that I also think it's the most common for the children to refer to their mother's/father's new partner by his/her first name.

[awanderingbard.livejournal.com]

Yes, this is also a good point. Thank you! I love how I can get answers in minutes when I post random questions at midnight. Thank you, loyal readers.