My Dad and I have a touch of that sort of miscommunication, too, though certainly not to the same extent. It took me a long time to realize that 'I saw this brownie at the store and I checked really carefully and there's nothing of the myriad things you're allergic to in it' is very much a statement of 'I love you, and I've thought about you and know you and brought it for you as a treat because I'm your dad and it makes me feel happy to bring you nice things'. I think when you're little, your brain can't make that leap, you just take it for granted. I was never under the impression that he didn't love me, but I think I realize it more now that I can make those connections.
It's "good" parenting in that he's trying to get Tony to be the best he can be but it comes across as "suck it up and push through."
The age at which he had Tony might play a factor, too, in that he was probably a good twenty-some years older than Tony's peers' parents, and grew up in literally a different generation. He'd seen the Great Depression and Prohibition and WWII, and Tony's peers' parents were probably hippies and beatniks, who were a little more 'free love' and hands on in their parenting. Which might make it seem to Tony that he had it even worse off. They were parents who grew up on what Howard's generation had fought for them to have.
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Date: 2015-05-05 10:16 pm (UTC)It's "good" parenting in that he's trying to get Tony to be the best he can be but it comes across as "suck it up and push through."
The age at which he had Tony might play a factor, too, in that he was probably a good twenty-some years older than Tony's peers' parents, and grew up in literally a different generation. He'd seen the Great Depression and Prohibition and WWII, and Tony's peers' parents were probably hippies and beatniks, who were a little more 'free love' and hands on in their parenting. Which might make it seem to Tony that he had it even worse off. They were parents who grew up on what Howard's generation had fought for them to have.